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Wow, hell of a weekend. I found some old photos up from the weekend of A-’s first thesis reading.

Next up, we have drunken snapshots from the 10 Year Reunion after-party. (Who the hell holds a reunion in Phoenix in May? It was 110 degrees, and the reunion was on outside patio of a restaurant. Everyone just sat and sweat.) It was interesting, I got to see some people I wasn’t expecting that I was pleased to see, but there was also a fair amount of miscellaneous “so what/where/who do you do now?” that was utter drudgery. Occasionally, I just made up stories. Ninety percent of the married people were overweight and/or eating for two, with photos of previously produced snot machines at the ready. Probably half the singles were overweight and somewhat bitter looking; it was completely cliched. Of course not everyone was doing the Bundy-tango, but quite a few were.

At one point, they passed out a trivia questionaire with things like “What are the first six words of our fight song?” (No one knew we had a fight song). We were sitting around trying to figure out the answer to “Who was voted the most likely to succeed?” when, after a few minutes, I realized I was voted most likely to succeed. Ah, yes, I was quite a few beers in by then. A bunch of us walked to a bar around the corner from the “reception,” which is where the photos are from. And yes, that is Trung Canidate doing a horrible karaoke rendition of some song. We stayed up drinking until 5am or so, at which point I crashed for five hours, woke, and drove hung over as hell in 112 degree heat back to SD.

On the way into Phoenix, driving around the old neighborhoods, thinking of the tour I gave A- over Christmas and all sorts of old memories, I felt the heartsink again. I didn’t lose it until the drive back, when Jonny Lang’s Breakin’ Me blared from my stereo some where near El Centro:

_ Every day I see your face I wish I’d stayed
Don’t even know what made me run away
It’s just the way I play the game

Emotional is not a word I’d use to explain myself
But now I’m down upon my knees
Baby please take me back

I don’t want to be in love but you’re makin’ me
Let me up I’ve had enough. Girl you’re breakin’ me

Here I am just half a man standing alone
Feeling like I lost my only chance
At happiness when I let you go

I don’t want to be alone thinkin’ ‘bout you girl
I got nothin’ left to hold in this lonely world

The first time my heart was ever touched
Was the day I lost your love
I can feel it in my flesh and blood
My soul can only take it so much

So there it is. Why can’t you give us one more try
You and I could find a way to live
If you let me in one more time

I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
That I’m desperate for your love and it’s breakin’ me

It’s breakin’ me
_

Ok, that set me up, then Ben Harper’s Forever knocked me down: _

Not talkin’ ‘bout a year
No not three or four
I don’t want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

People spend so much time
Every single day
Runnin’ ‘round all over town
Givin’ their forever away
But no not me
I won’t let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Like a handless clock with numbers
An infinite of time
No not the forever found
Only in the mind
Forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you
_

I remember playing that song for A- while holding her hand, and when it was over, she looked at me with a tear welled up but not yet fallen, and she whispered, “You have it.”

At the though of that memory, I fucking lost it. I ended up driving really fast for a while, and switched to some industrial music. Loud and fast and full of static.

So, I got home, napped, processed some photos, made dinner, etc. My roommates rented “Finding Neverland,” about Barrie and Peter Pan, and I’m typing this while watching it, and I’m about to lose it again. It’s a good flick, I’m thinking about A-, it was just A-’s birthday, and A- loves Peter Pan – shit, I’m going to bed.