Full Throttle

2006 May 19
by barclay

The emails started trickling in, from blog-readers to those I (used) to see in real-life, all asking pretty much the same thing: where the fuck are you? What have you been up to?

Well, I’m still right here. I alluded to some massive forthcoming (welcome) upheavals in my life, and they’re still there, looming on the horizon. I can talk a little more freely about some of them now, but still have to be a little vague about the rest, or omit reference to things entirely. Here’s the quick and dirty about what’s been consuming my time (and money):

I have no kitchen. My roommate and I are remodeling it. We’re not actually doing the work, it’s more the stress of having the process go on and anticipating the shrinking bank account. Oh yeah, then we’re going to be staining the cabinets ourselves and repainting a bunch of the house. Then we’re selling it.

I was invited to shoot the 25th Annual Golden Scissors Fashion Awards and Show tonight, last minute, and hopefully I’ll be able to hang some work as well. Finally, a fashion show with an actual photog pit and an elevated runway. Sweet.

I’m under 180 pounds now. Damn.

I’ve been doing the show circuit. For those of you on the spam-list, you know I showed at the Museum of the Living Artist in Balboa Park at they’re poetry slam. The show was good, the poets were phenomenal (Reg E Gaines was the featured poet), and I ended up getting paid by the museum to also shoot the event. Afterward, I headed out the the Honey Bee Hive in East Village with the poets to see some sick breakbeats and B-Boy breakin’ – honest – and may have made another contact or two for photography. I’m certainly going to see if I can see some more of the poetry slams.

I’m training as hard as ever.

The school is closing. Yup, the martial arts school I’ve been training at for over 5+ years is closing. Last day of operation will be June 30th. After that, I’ll be doing scheduled privates with Sensei. There may or may not be an intensive training class, in some incarnation, but he hasn’t decided yet. What’s intensive, you ask? Think several hours per night, four consecutive nights a week, for six to twelve months, outdoors – beach, park, desert, forest, where-ever – with Sensei. No student teachers, no matts, full awareness. I’m not really giving a solid impression of the gravity and intensity of such a potential offering (think how much outside of class I’ll be training just to make sure I absorb the 12-16 hours of material from each week), but since I don’t know if it’ll happen, nor it’s shape, I’ll just leave it at that. Given that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, if it’s offered, I’ll be doing it. Which means, depending on timing, duration, an whatnot, it may push my little trip back another year.

The rest, well, I can’t talk about that yet.

If I’m going to pull a lesson out of this, I suppose it’d be one that crept up on me – one I didn’t realize I’d already learned until the words were out my mouth. I was talking with a friend last weekend, someone I haven’t seen in quite a while (of course), and while catching of on a lot of this with her, she asked, in reference to juggling so many things, “How are you with that? Me, I’m not so good with it.”

“Well, I can’t accelerate any of this to resolution, I can’t force any decisions ahead of schedule. All these things are in some way co-dependent variables and I have to wait until some of them start congealing into values before I can move on the rest. So, in the interim, I’m just having a good time.”

I don’t know where or when I learned this – though it seems so obvious, I know at some previous stage in my life I’d bee full of stress and dread and having a difficult time with all the uncertainty. But now? Ahh, revel in it, suck up the chaos and make it my chaos.

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