Oct 31 2006


From 09/13/2005, regarding driving in to San Diego from the dry summer air of Phoenix:

Back then, I could smell the salt in the air all the way out in Alpine, forty miles inland. I’d be rocketing in from El Centro on I-8, windows down, stereo sweating. Pulling deeply, I’d savor the indication of the ocean, dowsing my emotions in water. Eventually, I’d only be able to smell it standing on the cliffs in Pacific Beach. People are adaptable like that, and sometimes I despise it. Sometimes, it’s disappointing to adapt. Sometimes, I want to suspend change. I want to smell the salt again.

And now I smell the autumn air. It hit me harder this year; more noticeable, more prevalent. There’s a distinct briskness to the air. Paired with a a confluence of other factors, of evening traffic home with the sun already set; the accumulation of ocher, tan, and sienna leaves, bare branches reaching toward an empty azure sky. There’s something about the chill you can smell; it delicately frosts your nostrils on a sharp inhale.

I’m reminded of trick-or-treaters, of the long desert drive home for the holidays, of the nostalgia of Stegner’s Crossing to Safety. There’s a placid stillness before the whirlwind of impending holidays. Hot cider appears on the menu of local coffee houses and pumpkin spice shakes at the ice creamery. It’s a SoCal autumn, where you can get away with a single layer during the day, and only need to burrow into a sweatshirt at night.

The salt smell reasserts it’s dominance, and I’m reminded of my childhood, my transplantation and resurrection. Of find and re-defining myself in this town, a mere twelve years ago.

Where has the time gone?

Oct 30 2006

I Don’t Know if I Have the Time

I Don't Know If I Have the Time ...

Oct 24 2006

Chicago Again

Rob, Stacy, and myself, from my Chicago trip a bit ago:

Rob, Stacy, Me

Oct 23 2006

Bachelor Party

From the bachelor party in Vegas a few weeks ago:

Vegas Bachelor Party

Oct 20 2006


A few days ago L—- mentioned something that reminded me of something important. She was talking about how she’s 27, and doesn’t really have a hobby; some activity that she does outside of work that she looks forward to, some thing that isn’t a chore. Something like my martial arts. (Granted, I think of my martial arts as so much more than a hobby, but I don’t expect anyone but myself to understand that. And although I do love photography and writing as well, they’ve always played second fiddle to the arts.) She expressed how she admired how dedicated I was to it, and she decided to look for one; perhaps re-visiting hobbies from the past. I applaud her.

It reminded me that people want what I have. Not necessarily the punching and kicking and meditations, although some do want that, but the passion for something outside of work and responsibilities and the ordinary; something that drives you enough to follow through long term. I forget that not everyone has this. I forget about the time I was still looking for it, and how lost I felt.

At a basic level, it provides a sense of accomplishment and physical manifestation of change and evolution, but beyond that, at a more fundamental level, there is a sense of positive anticipation. I look forward to training, to the new things I’ll be taught and the things I’ll discover. Just last weekend, while I was training with Kurt, I connected a couple of dots, forming a small epiphany. I noticed a whole new world to explore within the art. I look forward to investigating this further. It reminds me that what I’m doing today is in preparation for more joy and insight tomorrow. That tomorrow will be better than today, minor vicissitudes of life excepted.

Some people are still looking for that world that intrigues them so. A world that drives them enough to spur an extended exploration. I’m lucky I found one that works for me. Once again, a small, offhand comment was more significant to the receiver than the sender probably realized.

What do you look forward to each day? What keeps you from sinking into a depressive mire, because you know that it will keep you buoyant? Don’t have anything? As Ferris Bueller said, “You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do.” Solution? “If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.”

Oct 6 2006

No, Alanis, this is irony:

A study funded by the US government has concluded that conservatism can be explained psychologically as a set of neuroses rooted in “fear and aggression, dogmatism and the intolerance of ambiguity”.

Oct 2 2006

Useless Superpower

Okay, I’m in a bit of s strange mood.

Question: if you had a useless super-power, what would it be? And I don’t mean like Aquaman’s powers, who everyone makes fun of, but I mean something that has absolutely no chance of evening the odds with some sort of super-villian. No x-ray eyes, no teleportation, no super-strength or spidey-sense.

I think mine would be: the ability to see farts.