Wookin’ Pa Nub

Recently I’ve gotten sucked into a guilty pleasure – one akin to reading the Missed Connections on craigslist – dating-centric blogs. Of course, this meshes with half my posts, so I’ll throw out a couple I’ve frequented:

It’s like listening to half a phone conversation. You can let your imagination run wild, creating the “other half” of the story and filling in blanks. I let my mind create little back-stories while I’m reading the posts, under constant revision, letting the candor of the writer mold it as necessary. And of course, there’s plenty of advice, from both authors and commentators, as to what to do and not do in the dating arena. I’m just a little worried when each mini-series reaches its climax. Will we have “Almost 40-Year-Old That’s Slept With Exactly One Person”? “Sober and Married in NYC,” “Nice Guys Only Date Supermodel Intelligentsia,” and “Charming, In A Stable Relationship”? (As much as I wish the best of luck for everyone listed above, that sounds like it would make for horribly boring reads.) In any case, I’ll proffer up my unsolicited advice to the collective blog-world, probably oriented toward guys meetings girls although the vice-versa symmetry applies as well. Input welcome from the ladies. (I have no idea what qualifies me to give it, except that’s it’s appeared to work for myself, to some degree or another.) It’s really quite simple.

(Nomenclature: don’t be offended by me frequently using “girls” instead of “ladies” or “women” – after all, I often use “boys” for “guys” or “men”.)

How to find girls:
Find something you like, and find other people that do it. Skiing? Tennis? Video Games? Photography? Writing? Chess? Avant-garde Macaroni Sculptures? Go out and do it, find a group that meets to do it, take some classes related to it, you get the idea. Whatever it is, they’ll probably be girls there as well. And even if there aren’t, you’re having fun doing something you like, getting better at it, and gaining confidence. Don’t like to do anything? Find the local Apathy Brigade and hang out with them. Oops, now you’re doing something.

How to introduce yourself to a girl:
Say “Hello” and ask them a question that you’re genuinely interested in knowing the answer to. Nothing fancy. I’ll usually open with “Hi, my name’s Barclay, what’s yours?” Really. If at a concert, perhaps ask how they like the music or if they saw the band play last week down at club-so-and-so. What about all those things you like to do? I bet she likes to do things as well. Ask what they are. Be a curious person.

How to “act” when introducing yourself to a girl:
Remember that confidence you gained above? Well, pretend you’re doing whatever that is and let that show through. I’ve never met a girl that said self-confidence (different from over-confidence) was a turn off. That said, you don’t know this girl yet and they don’t know you, so stop with the whole “could this be the one?” inner monologue. Don’t imagine marriage and kids and a white picket fence, or whatever your fantasy involves. You’re not there yet. Don’t worry about it, just enjoy yourself and her company.

How to handle rejection:
Sack up, nancy-boy. No, really, I mean it. Do you like every girl you see? And do you expect every girl to like you? Just because she’s not interested in you doesn’t mean no one else is, no matter how long your dry streak has been. There’s others that will be extremely enamored of you. Who cares if the guys in the corner of the pub are laughing? They didn’t even have the cajones to step up. What if you see her everyday? Well, you see her everyday. She knows you were interested, and she wasn’t, so that’s that. Stop fixating. Know how to stop fixating? How about going out and doing all those things you love to do? If that’s not possible, just look at it as practice, not a personal slight – remember, she doesn’t even know you.

How to arrange you social calender:
However you want. Seriously. Figure out what the hell you want to, and do it. “Hey, Jane, there’s this art exhibition next Friday, this new up-and-coming artist, would you like to go?” When it comes down to it, she either goes with you, you do something else with her, or you go alone. Why cancel if you really wanted to go? Guess what – yup – they’ll be girls at the exhibition as well, who’re interested in the same subject matter you are. And, you’re gaining comfort in your surroundings, which leads to confidence.

Summary:

  1. Do stuff you like. Have fun.
  2. There’ll be girls there. Talk to them.
  3. Goto (1)

Eventually, you might even end up in a long term relationship with some person you’ve already shared significant experiences and passions.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2006 at 11:54 amand is filed under Journal-esqe, Misc. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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