-{ redgeek.net }-

Odd inquiries people have posed over the years:

• “Are you part Indian? Because you have asymmetric body hair.” (Yup, asymmetric body hair - my chest hair goes up a bit higher on one side than the other, I understand that’s common with Native Americans. And no, I don’t have back hair.)
• “Are you part Italian? Because you talk with your hands a lot.” (I don’t know if I am, but I do.)
• “Are you Canadian? You look Canadian. And you say ‘hockey’ funny.” (I don’t even know what to say to that. How do you look Canadian?)
• “Dude, I could’ve sworn you were Mexican. Don’t try to cross the border wearing that beanie, hermano.” (You wouldn’t say that if you saw me with my shirt off … there’s a reason my nickname years ago in Mission Beach was ‘Casper, the Friendly Ghost.’)
• “I’d say Midwest. You’re definitely from the Midwest.” (Never even been there, but okay.)
• “Are you Jewish? ‘Cause you look like my Jewish friends.” (Matt, my evil [and Jewish] twin, should find that entertaining. As it turns out, I have DNA common to Eastern European Jews, as returned by one of those DNA tracing things my uncle did, but faith-wise, no.)
• “What do I think you do? I’d say artist. Yeah, probably artist, or maybe in advertising, or something like that. Or a hitman.” (Said to me on this last rainy New Years Eve, while I was dressed up in a tailored charcoal suit, French Blue button down, matching tie, Kenneth Cole shoes, and my black raincoat with leather gloves. No one ever guesses ‘programmer.’)
• “Are you a rugby player? ‘Cause if I had to call your sport, I’d say rugby.” (Wow. I’m by no means a small guy, but I’m like half the size of all the rugby players I’ve known. I wouldn’t last two seconds on the pitch.)

So let me get this straight: I look like a Native American - Italian - Mexican - Canadian mulatto that’s a Jewish artist/rugby player from the Midwest that moonlights as a hitman? Someone draw that caricature, please.

For the record, I’m predominantly Welsh-Swiss-German-English, and I believe we’ve traced in Scottish, Irish, Spanish, Cuban, and Cherokee as well. And I’m not a hitman.