-{ redgeek.net }-

Ok, so I got this anonymous email (which makes me wonder if it’s someone I actually know, although readership has bumped recently) regarding many of my posts demonstrating my “perfection.” That I’m frequently proselytizing as to how to act, how to respond, or in general, how everyone except myself is always wrong and inappropriate.

My first response was a hearty “Hell no.” I mean, all these lessons I’ve related are due to the fact that at some point, I did the exact wrong thing, and have since learned from it. If you do everything right the first time, you probably won’t remember the other options. When you mess up, that’s what tends to stick with you, and hopefully, prompts you to keep from doing that in the future.

My second response was to initiate some introspection. What do I still need to work on? With that in mind, here’s an incomplete list of personality defects, hopefully in the decline:

Superficial. I’m still extremely visually driven when it comes to girls. I like hot girls, pretty girls, cute girls. I want to go out with them, all of them, and I probably don’t even notice the one’s that aren’t that may like me. Hell, I want it all: beautiful, smart, sexy, passionate, funny, all that good stuff. Of course, everyone wants that, but I have a tendencies to cut off relationships if the girl isn’t smarter, prettier, and wittier than myself. (So am I looking for the girl that has all this, but is looking for someone that much less than herself? Quite a double-standard; requiring so much more of a girl than I have to offer.) Which kinda of leads to…

Consumed. I have a lot of hobbies/passions/activities, which you’ve no doubt noticed if you read this blog with any regularly. Not only the sheer number of thing I enjoy, but the depth to which I pursue them. I have a habit of placing my passions first, which leaves precious little time for friends, family, relationships, and all that other good inter-personal stuff. This has lead to the demise of several relationships. Because of this study-in-depth attitude, I tend to be…

Elitist. I’m horrible at taking advice. In one ear and out the other, even with the minor things. I get so into whatever it is I’m doing that I have a difficult time allowing someone less impassioned than myself on the matter contribute useful information. I think, “I’m the guy that’s been doing this in depth for X years, why should I listen to the dabbler?” Well, the dabblers have good advice as well. I remember one time a friend recommended a band to me she’d just heard of, Portishead, and I completely dismissed the suggestion because “I already knew what I liked,” after all, I’m the guy with vacuum tube mono-blocks and a separate transport and DAC, who chases down local bands at various dirtbag venues to catch the latest CD release. Of course, Portishead eventually came to be one of my all time favorite groups. I don’t even know if I ever told that girl how spot-on she was; I had a…

Lack of Expression. I don’t express my emotional as much as I should, or that social graces say I should, be it positive of negative. Despite what I feel, I don’t tell people I love them enough, or tell others to fuck off when they’ve crossed that line. I’ll try to demonstrate either of the above, as I believe the adage that “actions speak louder than words,” but frequently, words are all that is necessary, and may be more appropriate.

Now, there’s benefits to all these characteristics, depending on how you cast the light, but that’s not for this post. This is a refutation of “perfection.”

So who wants to hang out with a superficial, cold, unavailable elitist? Line forms to the left….