More Craigslist Fun

2007 June 26
by barclay

I posted another add on craigslist. Re-posted for your viewing pleasure.

Dinette Set: Table and Four Chairs – $20

I know what you’re thinking. Really, I do. And it’s not “$20 for a full dinette set? How can that be? This is a deal too good to be true!” No, what you’re thinking is, “Wow, that must be a really crappy dinette set.” And in a way, you’re right. It is a crappy dinette set, on the outside. Inside, it’s got a heart of pure gold. (Or fibrous lignum cut into planks, I’m not sure which.)

See? I’m not trying to pull anything over on you.

That said, it does it’s job, and it’s never complained. Without the inner leaf, it’s 42” inches square, 29” high. The inner leaf is 17”, which means fully expanded you’ve got a glorious 59” of dining expanse. Now, last time I ate out with my girlfriend, we spent over thirty bucks on breakfast. That’s ten dollars more than these table and chairs, and that breakfast didn’t even come with with anything to eat it on. Score one for the crappy dinette set. See, its beauty lies in its utility, not its looks.

That’s what I’m talking about. This dinette set is like the Terminator: very few words (aside from a snappy epithet, which is seldom audible); it just gets the job done. It’s a trooper.

But what makes this dinette set look so crappy? Well, first of all, just glance at it. It looks like it came out of a 1980’s time share condo. I imagine it used to share a room with one of those red-black-and-white “modern” minimalist illustrations of some chick wearing a V-shaped shoulder-padded jacket and stirrup pants, looking provocatively back over her shoulder. You know, like the ones you still see that haircut store that hasn’t updated it’s posters since before the New Kids on the Block. But then, who expects a soldier to be stylish? I don’t. They’ve got jobs to do.

Also, it’s a bit scuffed up. If you look carefully at the front of it, you can see a small black line between two of the horizontal supports – that’s because it’s not flush. Probably the result of some field trauma. (I don’t think Cheney’s war machine properly armored it, but that’s neither here nor there.) It could probably be hammered back into place, but I never felt the urge to do so, since it works just fine as is. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, as they say. And, since I’m leaving town, I need to transfer this bad boy to another unit. Don’t let this dinette become ronin. The last thing we want is the Blackwater division of Ethan Allen getting wind of his impressive record.

Looking for a throwback to the ’80s? Have a rental unit you don’t care about? Need a poker table for the garage? All are perfect roles for this grunt of a table. You’ll never worry about spilling beer on it, potting plants, or changing your grandson’s diaper on it. (Although the last has never happened, I’m sure it wouldn’t mind. All part of the job for this intrepid dinette set.)

You support our soldiers, right? Even if our foreign policy is totally fubar’d and you don’t think they should be there in the first place? Yeah, me too.

So buy this dinette set. If you can show me military ID, it’s free.

(You’ll need a truck. Point Loma / Loma Portal area)

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